


this method acting, I call that living

by orphan_account



Category: Gossip Girl RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-04
Updated: 2010-09-04
Packaged: 2017-10-11 11:18:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/111842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A year in the life of Jessica Szohr - and far less drama than her TV show. AU.</p><p>Warning: Find random fun pictures of the girls fooling around by clicking on links. Use at own discretion ;)</p>
            </blockquote>





	this method acting, I call that living

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dirty_diana](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=dirty_diana).



  
  
~*~Jessica's big break happens on the hit TV show 'Glee' in the summer 2010.It happens like this: one morning, in bed, after months of not seeing each other because of Dianna's busy filming schedule and the promoting tour for Glee, Dianna turns her head to face Jessica with a considering look in her eyes. She says, "You should audition for a part on the show. They have a role that could fit you. It's not very big, but Ryan's always open for expanding a character if you do your job well."Jessica is caught by surprise, and thinks it over. She doesn't have the luxury to turn down an offer like this, she knows that. But it stings her pride that she is getting in this way.Dianna sits up, pushes her hair out of her face and smiles ironically. "It's not because of this." She gestures between them. "It's not like I offer roles to everyone I sleep with."And that stings too, but Jessica's even less inclined to let it show. "All right," she says, and mashes her face into the pillow. "Gah."Dianna laughs. "I'm hitting the shower. Lock the door on your way out?"~*~They are specifically looking for a non-white girl, though it didn't say so in the official casting calls. Dianna must have known; and it is as she said - the role is small, a mere backup to the stars of the show. Still, Jessica is in almost every episode, and a talk with Harry and Matt reassures her that it's not so bad: She has enough time to audition for other projects while she's getting her name out there.It turns out to be true. Once her character's first scene airs, many previously closed doors suddenly open for her. The show assigns her a PA; when interview calls start raining down, when she gets her first talk show invitation, she gets a new manager, signs with a new agency, and has another assistant.She's not planning to stay with Glee for long. She has bigger dreams than this, and even though she's 25, going on 26, she hasn't let LA kill them off. She's going to be a name on the big screen, she knows it; it's just a matter of time.Until she can make that happen, she does what is asked. She works hard on set, and when she isn't filming, promotes the show, talks to all the right people. To interviewers, she speaks highly of her cast mates, some of whom she befriends. She goes to parties that were off limits to her before.[She stops sleeping with Dianna a month into the show. ](http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z203/xswordspointx/femslash/dianna.jpg)There are multiple reasons, none of which more sound than that fucking someone you work with never ends well. It's not that, though, not really. Dianna does not _date_ girls, and Jessica has grown to care about her too much. She doesn't want to end up with a broken heart. She has learned years ago that Hollywood will never break her - but a LA girl just might.Maybe that's why she's never actually tried to date any of the girls she's had sex with.~*~Ever since the first episode of Gossip Girl aired on TV back in 2007, Jessica has been adding to a collection of magazines in her drawer that feature Leighton Meester on the front page. She feels silly now, and is so glad no one was there to catch her doing it, but when she got the very first cover, she placed a tiny kiss on paper-Leighton's forehead.Ever since Gossip Girl, Jessica's been following her career, watching her on Ellen, The View, talking to Tyra Banks. She has no idea what it is about Leighton that fascinates her so; Leighton's beautiful, certainly, but so are thousands of other girls. She's smart, and confident. She's awkward sometimes despite everything. Those are all traits that push Jessica's buttons.But Leighton also has gorgeous arms that Jessica wants to trace with her tongue, and sometimes when she forgets herself, there's a sadness in her eyes that makes Jessica want to take her in her arms and hug her tight.And then during the Glee break in spring, while Jessica's filming 'Nights of Turquoise', a little indie drama that plays in New York, she learns that Leighton's laugh is even more beautiful in person.~*~She is browsing the shelves of the Blockbuster just around the corner from the tiny apartment that she rents for the duration of the filming, looking for a movie for tonight, Cheetos and a Sub in the goody bad she's carrying in her hand, when she hears the laugh.Jessica can't swear that she didn't dream of a scenario in which they would meet while they were both in New York, and fall madly in bed. Of course, that was all in her imagination. This one is perfectly real. Leighton is standing ten feet away, chatting on the phone while she screens superhero movies.Jessica has never been shy or self-conscious, but her heart starts to pound so hard she's sure all of Manhatten can hear. She mentally crucifies herself for assuming this would be a five-minutes excursion: she's fresh from a shower with no make-up on, her hair in a simple braid, and she's wearing her baggiest pants and an old t-shirt of her mom's that reads, '_I'd rather be playing air guitar_'. It's a disaster. If she met herself on the street, she wouldn't give herself a second look either.She barely registers Leighton turning in her direction, but catches the movement out of the corner of her eye and ducks her head, hunching over herself, pretending to be engrossed in the DVD before her. It's some romantic comedy that came out last year with Julia Roberts in it, not at all the sort of movie Jessica usually watches, but if it saves her, she might just get it for tonight -"Hey," she hears Leighton say, footsteps, and then there is a touch to her elbow. Jessica wants to sink into the floor. "I knew I recognized you! I've seen you on Glee, I've been dying to hear you sing, but all you ever get to do is back-up. You're Jessica, right?" Leighton is flapping her hands up and down in a crazy-chicken manner, realizes it, and drops them immediately, looking embarrassed."Yes," Jessica says, feeling a smile creep up on her face despite her best efforts. She ducks her head more. "That's me. Jessica.""I'm sorry." Leighton looks contrite. "I swear, I'm not a - well, no. That's a lie. I am a fan. But not creepy. I just think your show is great, and you're a wonderful actor. I hope you'll get more screen-time soon. Oh. And I'm Leighton. I've seen you at the Golden Globes. Just a glimpse. I'm on Gossip Girl.""Hi, Leighton," Jessica says, and wants to kill herself. "I mean- yes. I've seen you on Gossip Girl as well. Your show is awesome, too." She bites her lip and glances at the DVD Leighton's holding. "You like Iron Man?""Yes!" Leighton grins, and flaps her hands again. She doesn't seem at all the poised, serious young woman Jessica has seen on TV so often. Her smile is so bright, Jessica feels blinded, and she seems genuinely happy to have stumbled over a fellow actress here. "I love superheroes. Tony Stark holds a special place in my heart. Also, this one has eye candy in the form of Scarlett Johansson kicking the butts of about fifty security guys at the same time!""I know!" Jessica says, and forgets all about being caught completely off guard, because, superheroes. "That was amazing, and she looks so hot in that cat suit. And there's the mecha, and how much do I pray they will make Pepper awesome again in the next movie? Because this movie did not showcase her strengths very well.""I love you, marry me," Leighton cries, and throws her arms open. Jessica laughs and gives her a hug. Leighton adds, "This is so awesome. I was going to spend my evening on my sad lonesome because I have run another boy out of town two days ago, but this is so much better. Watch it with me?""I'm not dressed for going out," Jessica hears herself protest and treads on her own foot to keep herself from destroying her secret fantasy some more. "I mean - I'd love to. But -""Oh, no. No styling. No nothing. Look at me, I'm a mess as well. Just got off a twelve-hour shoot."Jessica pushes an escaping strand of hair behind her ear and chews her lip before she tilts her head and says, "I'll make you a deal. You come to my place. I'll let you clean up there and we can watch the movie in my room where I don't have to feel like a total slob. And in return, I'll let you have some of my cheetos.""You will regret this decision," Leighton warns her but agrees, with more of that bright laughter that Jessica has fallen in love with already. "I eat _a lot_.""I'm taking my chances," Jessica smiles back, and feels a shiver run down her spine when Leighton puts her hand through her arm and starts leading her towards the check-out.~*~She doesn't work up the courage to kiss Leighton that evening, despite wanting to, and having opportunities aplenty. [Instead, they cuddle on the couch](http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z203/xswordspointx/femslash/cheeks.jpg), discuss the movie, and try to outdo each other with the size of their comic book collections, and then they fall asleep and only wake up at seven the next morning.Jessica is not in the habit of having a beautiful girl sleep over without at least attempting to seduce her. But maybe this is better, she then figures, because Leighton actually calls her in the afternoon, making another date for the weekend."[Barbecue with my cast](http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z203/xswordspointx/femslash/set1.jpg)! You will absolutely love Ed. And Chace. And Taylor! Wait till Taylor sees you, she _loves_ your Glee character, like, more than she loves Kurt, and she loves Kurt a lot."So they have barbecues, and [sometimes they catch a movie](http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z203/xswordspointx/femslash/lick.jpg), and Leighton invites Jessica to her favorite restaurant, and they muddle along until her mother asks her one night on the phone, "So, is she your girlfriend now?"That throws up a whole beehive of problems.~*~Some mornings, when Jessica doesn't have to go on set early to start filming, [she does a Starbucks run](http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z203/xswordspointx/femslash/cofferun.jpg), gets three or four big cups of coffee and takes them on location to the GG crowd. Sometimes Leighton's make-up girl gets one, sometimes one of the PAs, or set decorators, or directors. More often than not, she runs into Ed. Since he plays Leighton's on-screen love affair, they tend to be on the same location a lot.Jessica finds they have a curious relationship: he kissed her once, when they went out together to a NYC nightclub, and the next week, trash mags were full of speculation about them being a couple. _'Stars of teen hit shows Gossip Girl and Glee - secretly pursuing a romance_?' It's all crap.Jessica knows Ed likes her. She wishes it could be that easy. She wishes she could like him back the way he deserves. Instead, she is a good friend to him, and he is a good sport about being her beard. It's a testament of his character that he's never been bitter about it, only ever supportive and amused."Up this early?" he asks when he spots her walking past the crew towards Leighton, who is sitting on a chair in the sun, re-reading lines."I've forgotten how to sleep in, with all the sunrise scenes in our script," she jokes."Man, you have it bad, girl," he says in his most exaggerated British accent. [He's following her gaze, resting his eyes on Leighton. ](http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z203/xswordspointx/femslash/SIPA-Ed-Westwick-Jessica-Szohr-1815.jpg)Jessica sighs. "Just take your damn coffee already.""Hey, hey, now. What's with the snap? Anything happen?""No." Jessica averts her gaze from Leighton's sun kissed face and kicks his ankle with her shoe. "The film's wrapping up in a few days. I'll be headed back to LA.""Ah," he says, all-knowing. "Don't you lose my number.""I won't. You should visit me. I know you have a giant crush on Amber Riley, don't even deny it.""My crush on Amber Riley is to your crush on Leighton Meester like Stevenage is to New York. You're not fooling me.""Oh, ouch." Jessica rolls her eyes at him and accepts the hug he offers gratefully. "Thanks for being my friend," she says, because she does not say it nearly enough. "Don't forget to add my Mii so we can WiiConnect and play Guitar Hero when we're both having sleepless nights.""I never have sleepless nights unless sex is involved," Ed says, lifting his chin in Chuck Bass manner. "But I wouldn't say no if you were to invite Amber Riley to join us."Jessica laughs, and thinks she must be imagining Leighton glancing over a few times with creased forehead.~*~Filming for the drama wraps, and Jessica has one more evening in New York before she goes back to sunny LA for the summer. She knows what is waiting there: interviews, promotional tours, signing her autograph to kids who only want it because they aren't getting Lea's. Questions about her private life, whether she's broken it off with Ed now that they're in different cities. She doesn't want to think about it.She wants a party, a big one, with all her new friends. Ed, on the phone, snorts at her and says, "Don't be stupid. You just want a party so you can get Leighton drunk and fuck her before you move on to living in different cities and stop being even friends.""Am I that transparent?" Jessica groans."Just to me, baby, just to me. Been there, done that. It's not going to get you what you want. But I can give you some good advice.""Like what?""Invite her over for girly drinks, but just get her tipsy enough to relax; then watch a movie, make out on the couch and have some hot lesbian sex if she's up for it.""Gee, thanks. That'll work.""Yeah, you're welcome. I'm sending you my bill by mail."~*~On the backdrop of Star Wars music, Luke and Leia escaping the Stormtroopers, their respective caipirinha glasses almost empty on the table, [Leighton lets Jessica kiss her](http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z203/xswordspointx/femslash/nuzzle1.jpg).She looks up at Jessica's face once they part, strokes her cheek, and her eyes are sad when she says, "I'm going to miss seeing you almost every day.""Good thing Gossip Girl's going to be cancelled after this season, then," Jessica tries to joke."My show will last forever," Leighton sniffs, injured. "And don't you tell me any different."Her lips taste like sugar and limejuice. Jessica tries not to be too demanding, not to push too much, but Leighton is letting her: she closes her arms around Jessica's neck and opens up, like there was never any question that they would end up like this."You never gave me a _hint_," Jessica says against her mouth, and [kisses its corners](http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z203/xswordspointx/femslash/kiss.jpg), her cheek, her eyelashes. "That first evening -""- I wanted you to kiss me so bad," Leighton laughs. "I had no idea what was going on. I thought maybe you didn't find me hot or something.""And later -""Ed kissed you. First dibs for the courageous and all that.""That was just once. I don't like him that way. Or most boys, even.""Ah," Leighton says, like it explains a lot. This time it's her who's straining upwards, catching Jessica's mouth in a kiss.Ed's always right. Maybe she _should_ send him a thank you gift. Jessica laughs into the kiss and thinks that some day, she'll tell Leighton all about his advice. But maybe not just yet."What are we doing?" Leighton asks, minutes later, when their kisses have slowed and they're lying curled into each other, breathing, watching the credits of the movie roll.~*~Leighton calls every other day. Jessica does, as well, and between them, Skype, instant messaging, and Ed's Wii, they pretty much have all corners covered.The first time Leighton flies out to LA, [they go shopping](http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z203/xswordspointx/femslash/walking.jpg). They [hold hands](http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z203/xswordspointx/femslash/set2.jpg), and Leighton buys Jessica cute Hello Kitty underwear, matching it to her complete bathroom decor. There are some pictures of them online a few days later, [walking down busy streets](http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z203/xswordspointx/femslash/handinhand2.jpg), [hands joined](http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z203/xswordspointx/femslash/handinhand3.jpg). There are no speculations, just exclamations about how cute they look together, and some comments on how wonderful it is that they've become friends.Jessica [visits Leighton](http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z203/xswordspointx/femslash/hug.jpg) in New York [for the Emmys](http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z203/xswordspointx/femslash/nuzzle3.jpg). Leighton comes back for the Glee S3 opening party.They make it work.The day after that party, when pictures of the two of them surface on the internet, showing them laughing together, [nuzzling](http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z203/xswordspointx/femslash/nuzzle4.jpg), having fun, Dianna comes up to Jessica and touches her hand. She says, "I'm happy you've found someone." She looks happy, but she also looks sad. Another door has closed.Jessica wants to say, _She's not afraid like you are, she's just who she is, no apologies_. She doesn't though, because people make their choices and then they have to live with them. Dianna knows as well as Jessica does. So she just says, "I'm happy, too."That evening, she calls her mother and says, "Any chance you want to join me [on a trip to New York](http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z203/xswordspointx/femslash/handinhand.jpg)?"~*~written for femslash10, September 2010  
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